sakura

*i know my mamas will be so mad at me or might just tease me to death if they read this blog entry or even hear about this blog entry. but since i'm such a bitter ass, here it goes;

i once had a friend, a huge guy but with the softest heart.. soft not in the homosexual way but soft in the kindhearted way. his not a gentlemen like the other guys, but i know, we know, that he cares for us and protects us like a brother or at least, we thought so.

whenever he is about to say or do such bad things he will always have this moment of "ala eto nanaman ako! sabi ko ng magbabago ako ngayong college life!" we will always laugh at him when he says that, since we do know that he doesnt really need such things because we believe and we know that he is kind and whatever evil thing he sees in his self is not true.. or at least, we thought so.

i've always loved that guy (in a very friendly/brotherly way) and i have always thought that he will never abandon us. that until graduation or even in med school or after graduation he will always be our ____. but i guess people change or in his case, people can never really change.

he left us. no, abandon us. out of the blue he was no where to find. he has new set of friends and for me.. it doesn't really matter as long as he keeps in touch but he never did.. the truth is, ok lang naman na lumipat or maghanap ng bagong friends.. i mean, why would you limit your self to just 9 or 8 friends when you can have 10 or 50 more..ryt?

but having new friends, doesn't mean abandoning and ignoring your old friends. i'm not bitter because he left.. i'm bitter about the way/manner he left the group.

he left.. and at some point i thought it was for the best. he changed..no, disappeared.. the huge but kindhearted guy that we/i once knew was already gone much like 6 ft below the ground..and i was on the corner of the room grieving.

the dead can never be resurrected.. or if that happens, it only means miracle.

i am not expecting for a miracle. no.. i am not.

at some point i have already accepted that he is happy with whoever he is with now, or again, at least i thought so.

i am not mad anymore.. no, i am not.. you have choose that path, and who the hell am i to judge you, right? but just please tell me something..

are you really happy?
do they really make you happy?
do you really like your self right now?
coz seriously, i can't see it in your smile.
nor in your eyes.

if your answer to that question is yes.. then i am happy for you...but if deep down in your heart, your answer is no... i have no more words to offer to you

but rest assure that at some point, your mamas will still be here.
i miss you