x-mas

merry x-mas


taon taon maligaya akong nagcecelebrate ng pasko. kasama ang aking pamilya. kumakain at nagpapasalamat sa lahat ng mga biyayang natanggap. saaking memorya, masaya ang mga paskong aking naranasan. masaya, maligaya, kumpleto at tila wala ng hihilingin pa. pero ngayong pasko ang pinakakakaiba sa lahat. hindi ko malaman kung ano pero tila merong kulang.

this christmas i never got the chance nor never think about giving thanks to the Almighty. so i guess that is why this christmas wasnt that happy at all.

since i enter college my faith has been in the limbo. since i started my schooling in UP and since i started aiming so high, my faith and my beliefs has started to faid. i dont know why and i dont know how. i am not blaming the school and the people that i met but somehow i am blaming myself. i am blaming myself because i know that i am in control of my life and so therefore my faith has gone a stray because i let it happend. because i let myself fall into the pit of the sin. i let myself drown in the happiness of life and in the liberty that my new life has given me.

its very sad but i guess that is the truth. now as i look myself in the mirror. i see no one but a stranger. hindi ko na kilala ang aking sarili. hindi ko na alam kung sinong sarah ang nasa harap ko. natatakot ako pagkat hindi ako natatakot. kinakabahan ako pagkat hindi ako kinakabahan. inshort. natatakot ako pagkat hindi ako kinkabahan sa mga bagay bagay na nangyayari sakin. naiinis ako sa sarili ko pagkat unti unti ay nawawalan na ako ng pagmamahal saaking sarili. unti unti nilalamon ako ng isang dilim na hindi maintindihan.
my faith has gone a stray and i need GOD.

i know to myself that i am nothing without God. i know to myself the consequences of turning my back on Him. i know to myself the bad things that sin will bring to me. pero ewan ko. wala paring nangyayari sakin. its like accepting that no matter what i do i will end up in hell. ang weird ko noh? pero this is what i really feel.

gusto kong kilalanin muli ang aking sarili. gusto kong balikan ang panahon na napaka faithful ko. ang panahon na alam ko na kakayanin ko ang lahat because i am in the guidance of the Lord. gusto kong balikan ang panahon kung saang alam ko in the end of all this things. a good thing will occur. gusto kong magbalik loob.

weird? corny? siguro nga. pero its very different kasi when you are in his arms...sobrang safe and secure ang pakiramdam.

haha so much for a x-mas day. hay pero i think its really time for a change. in my previous blog entries i talked about no more love thingy..pero i think its really working. hayy..if i have to change one thing. better change everything. i really want a direction in my life now..because if i wont do this now....baka dumating ang panahon na huli na ang lahat.

merry x-mas sarah.. merry x-mas.

my x-mas wish:

find myself and
the way back to him...