crying out loud

things have been really VERY HARD FOR ME.... i mean REALLY HARD!!!! and there are times that i just want to burst in ti tears... i really dont know weather this is the cause of indulging too much in studying or this is just the effect of UP in my life... anyways, like what i said, there are times actually its most of the time, i just want to shout and cry but something is preventing me from doing so..i dont know what it is, i'm not sure weather it is my pride or what so ever but this after noon..someone.. made me cry... and here it goes... by the way, that someone will be coded us (ER)

location: university library (3rd floor) 12:00 pm

me: uy dali na!! turuan mo na ko!!!
ER: bakit ano ba ang hindi mo magets??
me: eto oh....
ER: ganito yan

blah blah blah

after a moment of hard discussion

ER: sure ka hindi mo alam yan?? (looking so shocked)
me: oo nga! ngayon ko lang na encounter yan!
ER: sus... sure ka bang pumasa ka dito???? kala ko ba salutatorian ka!??
me: sorry ha! hindi ko nga rin alam kung bakit ako pumasa dito!!!
ER: sus
me: (looked away)
another girl: ala salu ba yan!
me: sige paiyakin nyo lang ako!
ER: (continue to explain to me the equation)
me: (i nodded but something...fell in my eyes)

tears began to roll down on my cheeks... i dont know why but it just did...i tried to stop it, but it wont...yun na ata ang sinasabing "break down"..... my friends started to comfort me... but it just won't do... i'm not mad at them nor to the things they said..i think i'm crying because i think what they said is true.... that its a mystery that i pass the UPCAT....

i feel like i'm the most stupid person in the universe... its like, i really dont belong to UP or something...

then with all strong force i picked up my self and start to stop myself from crying and what's good is it did stop.... tears disappear from my eyes... and i acted as if nothing had happend... my friends then was back to normal...we continue to study....

then on my way to CAS, i said to myself....

" i will pass UP, i will graduate in UP without any delays or summers, i can pass UP and i will, and after that i will enter the med school and i will be a doctor... that is my dream and no one i mean no one not even Math 17 could prevent me from making that happend.... i will be strong... i will work hard and do everything just to pass UP just like what i did when i stop myself from crying.."